I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
try to milk me bitch
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
