All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
