This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize