I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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