I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
