how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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