he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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