If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
