please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
