Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
