I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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