a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
