Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
