you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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