Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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