Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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