he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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