It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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