I was born with a shot glass in my hand
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
