I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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