just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
