i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
