Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
