Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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