i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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