She's JV to your varsity
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
