so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
