Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
