You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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