Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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