I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it's great music for shaving your balls
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
