It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
