but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
