I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
