4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
