Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
