If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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