It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
