someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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