I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
