You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
