just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
