6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
