the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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