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I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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