You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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