my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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