Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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