that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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