When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He did a backflip because drugs
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