i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm passing your future prison.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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