I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
