I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
