i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
