I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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