I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
