My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
