Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
