We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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