Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
